In late February I sat in Sayulita reading reports on the corona virus. Trying to “relax” -a mindset that is still a foreign concept to me. I was probably cracking a corona and making a joke about how corona virus would be better with a lime.

Meanwhile the research focused side of my brain was on silent high alert punctuated with an occasional “oh my god guys, corona!” to my traveling mates that were long since sick of my anxiety. I was sitting by the pool frantically switching between my phone and laptop, complaining about shitty WiFi as I tried to schedule a conference in San Francisco with my new employer for the day after we returned home.

Mostly silent, I was examining the data as it slowly turned pear. My circumstantially educated eyes widening in disbelief.

I woke up back in Seattle on Sunday, March 1st to a hastily cancelled conference. The Alaska airlines flight notifications still rolling across my phone. “Time to check in for your flight!”

I read of the first death in the United States shortly after. Right here in Washington. Of course. I knew it would be. Who does business with Asia on a regular basis? Seattle, SF and NYC.

I quickly retreated into fight or flight mode.

The shelves were almost empty across town. Remaining supplies were being rationed. Amazon fresh was an ungodly 72 hours out. A mere 70 hours later than promised, nbd.

I wanted to prepare but my body wouldn’t allow it. I couldn’t. I was shutting down but still cognizant enough to know it was happening and how to quell the physical reaction. I took a Xanax and drew a bath. I sat there in the heat and dark with my mind frantically racing through all of the ramifications of this situation we were clearly facing. The economy. The elderly. The homeless and drug problem that happens to plague the cities on the front line. The healthcare system. Bernies campaign. Trump. The election. History. The Black Plague and Spanish flu. Quarantine.

What a rabbit hole. If I can say I learned anything from cancer it was to throw away the last remaining glimmer of my rose tinted glasses.

This is history. Right here and now.

Perhaps Im a doomsayer. Maybe I just read too many post-apocalyptic YA novels when I was younger. Perhaps I was just reading the twitter feeds of the scientists on the front lines. Perhaps I’m just a fucking lib. Who knows.

All I knew was that the highly educated people were sharing numbers. People with no skin in the game. Zero political agenda. Not flexing their stock portfolio. This is their moment. The moment where a life dedicated to research is actualized. The puzzle pieces drop and it opens up. Pure validation.

When the scientists said “it’s been traveling in the state unchecked for weeks and we likely have thousands of cases” I trusted them.

These people wanted to scream from the rooftops. They wanted to warn everyone – “The BRITISH COVID19 ARE COMING!”

So they said. If you didn’t take them at their word they’d kindly provide figures and data. They gave us graphs. They gave us more data than the average person can consume. They provided every damn resource they could to get you to trust them. Many said “it’s just the flu bruh” including 45 and multiple media sources. However any reasonable person would look at that data and say “OH FUCK”

Oh fuck

Oh fuck

Oh fuck

I sure did.

10 days later. Let’s add a few extra fucks to that equation.

Welcome to covid19.

May the odds be ever in your favor.