I’ve never really been into Twitter, although I dusted off an old account at the start of quarantine and made a few posts. I hadn’t logged into into it a long time by this point but a few weeks after the email exchange I found myself still in the house, in the house bored and hunted down my password to check twitter. It was then that I noticed I had been blocked by Amelia. Finding that odd given that there had been no social media break at this point, I made a new account to look at her public twitter. This is when I found everything she had been typing about me. I compared the times and noticed she posted well before I replied to her first email. This told me all I needed to know. There was nothing I could have said to her to repair our friendship. She had been trash talking me for months. It wasn’t about needing better communication in our friendship, it was about her need to create an enemy. To feel like a victim.

At this same time there was a large controversy going on with her former employer. She was tweeting about any and everyone who worked there and her tweets were gaining coverage and criticism on reddit. Per the tweets, she had been discriminated against and gaslit by all her former colleagues. I have texts from her about her layoff and the actual reason, but thats not here nor there. She knows the truth. She was enjoying the 15 minutes of fame by calling everyone a gaslighter, toxic, racist, abuser.

I knew at that point there was literally zero chance I would let her in my life again. She had taken it WAY TOO FAR. This was boundaries being scorched and burnt alive for her entertainment at my expense.

I removed her on social media and sent the following email.

She did not reply.

For transparency purposes, I’ll be clear about why I removed you from social media. I saw your tweet that was published moments after your email and long before I read it or responded. It indicates a preconceived narrative around the conversation and tells me you were not open to dialog or receptive to apologies. I can confidently say I’ve never played victim aside from a “wtf, why me” moment or two. Mostly I handled cancer and chemo in stride and hoped nobody would treat me like I was sick or weak. Ive also never even remotely suggested any of my friends didn’t stick around though trauma and clearly you’d never be on that list if there was one. I don’t play the victim game. Never have and never will but I suppose it makes for a fun tweet. 

If confidence is arrogance, I’ll take that. I’m confidant enough to admit to previous bias towards young black men and emotionally intelligent enough to take this time to educate myself without feeling the need to ask for validation from others. I’m also confident that I’m not an “abusive gaslighting toxic abuser racist” – And I am most confidant I don’t need anyone in my life who writes about me like that on social media. At 43 I do not wish to engage in drama or name calling and have been actively been working on effective communication for the last 3+ years. 

I will always treasure the great memories and funny stories and special moments in our friendship but not all is meant to last.

Next time you have concern with a comment a friend makes, maybe approach it in a constructive way and be open to dialog a lot sooner than 14 months of letting it fester to the point of no return.

Be well