My lashes and brows held out until December 31st – really taking this whole “New Year New Me” to a new level.

Leaving my house is an exercise in patience. Draw in the eyebrows. Glue some strip lashes to my eyelids. Realize I fucked the glue and remove everything to start again. Look closely and realize I have drawn my brows on unevenly. Remove. Start again. Work hair piece in to the remaining hair. Get creative with highlighter to fill in the dark heavy circles under my red puffy eyes. Bronzer and illuminator to fake a little color. Adjust the eyelashes that are now poking me in the eye. There! Now if you look at me from a distance I can pass as normal. Just don’t get too close.

However, By the time I get home from work the only thing I’m dreaming of is ripping off the lashes (SO uncomfortable) and pulling the halo off my head (SO hot) while I walk around with my scraggly hair remains pulled back and my face looking like Gollum. Pretty sure the “precious” he was seeking was actually his facial hair – I relate.

Samantha Jones said it best.