It’s 2023 and Meta just pulled one on Elon Musk by setting up their own version of Twitter. Or X. Whatever.
Being an Elon hater, I promptly set up my threads account and made a couple silly posts from my private account with like, 25 followers. I made some twitter jokes. A cage fight comment. A funny about my dog. And the one below, that unbeknownst to me would spark her rage a year later. Again, everyone in this post is a public figure that my no name twitter account followed and my no name Threads account posted about to be funny. Two likes. Clearly I have a huge reach!
I didn’t log into Threads again for almost a year. Around May of 2024 I started to hear Amys name come again in Seattle. She was unfollowing mutual friends on social media. No clue how long that had been in play, but people were noticing. Around this time I noticed I was removed on Facebook by a friend of many decades, a former roommate and I was part of her wedding party. I noticed when she pulled up as a suggested friend. I sent a request, assuming I fat figured something. She did not accept. I was not aware we had any issues. I sent her 3 polite texts to ask what was up, all left on read with the receipt included. She had unfollowed my IG but left me following her. I still have no clue why and wish she would have been mature enough to reply, but I had to assume this was Amy’s doing. She was making everyone pick sides.
I find it inherently tacky to post personal _anything_ on FB or IG but I went to threads assuming nobody used it still and made a vent post along the lines of “I still have never defended myself or told anyone the extent of what A.R. did to me in 2020 – someday I should”
Within hours it occurred to me it was still kinda whining on social media and I deleted it within a day, but not before someone on my list took a screen grab and sent it to her. The same person evidently went back to the long forgotten post about my old twitter account and sent her a shot of that as well.
Was it wrong to make that post on threads? Yes. I’ll admit fault here but note that it was posted privately to very few people with a tongue in cheek intent on an unused platform.
She wanted to tally moments in our friendship but I’ll tally social media posts disparaging the other. That’s 12 on Twitter. Calling me every name imaginable. One on fb and ig. All sent to large audiences. I’m most certain there were other posts on IG / FB that blocked the audience that might inform me. This is based on weird conversations with fringe friends over the years. It’s one post from me with her listed among other social media influencers that went to a very small audience. It’s two if you count the one where I said I wanted to share my side of the story and promptly deleted.
Her reaction was to go nuclear.
Death to Uncle Joey 
So clarify some things, I was never sent an ultimatum on our friendship. The emails between you two were never edited. I read them 4 years ago and I’m sorry to say nothing in them was particularly surprising to me in regards to how you treated the friendship. This was further supported when you unleashed on your friends for allowing her to be around your child, something I believe strongly would have never been our place to step in to begin with. That is between you and your ex alone. Before you say it, no, I don’t believe in a million years your child was ever in any kind of danger or situation which warranted you treating your friends the way you did. I kept waiting for an apology for how we were treated and one never came. After that I was never comfortable around you. There’s a reason I avoided almost every get together since then. I admit I should have cut ties then but I knew doing so would also mean I’d lose a lot of other friends as well, something I wasn’t ready for. I sent the screenshot from threads, I likely wouldn’t have even seen it but in an attempt to get more people to use threads instagram advertises threads posts in their feed. This was when I really and truly realized I no longer wanted anything to do with you, any tenuous connection. I’m willing to say goodbye to everyone else attached, it doesn’t really matter because I don’t see any of them these days anyway. I ghosted you because we never talk, we don’t hang out and I knew no matter what I said you would either brush it off as not a big deal or ignore it all together. It didn’t matter what the reason was. So congratulations, now you know. I just can’t believe that 4 years later your still hung up on this. Let it go, please. This is toxic and no, very much not a good look.
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This went to spam, but thanks for chiming in.
It’s good to know my emails were not edited. As someone with a masters in psychology did the incorrect use of terms like gaslighting bother you or was that just me?
It’s good to know who on my threads list sent the shot of the year old private post and framed it as public stalking and defamation to get Amy all fired up again. I’m hoping I don’t hear from Sawant or Jonathan Choe next.
I had to look back at my group message from 2021 after Amy lied to J to gain access to H. Other people had told me about it knowing it would alarm me, yet the folks on that group chat did not inform me and that didn’t sit right with me. A few recipients of the group chat called me after to apologize and say they understood why I was upset by how it was handled. You’re the only one to indicate, four years later, that they took issue with my request. Her actions towards my child would be similar to my arriving in NYC and finding a way to lie and sneak to see Sim__e knowing full well she would not want her child around me. First off, I would never even consider such an action and if I did, I sure hope people would tell her.
Of course I do not think any harm would come to my daughter. Her father is very protective and I do not think Amy would ever physically harm a child. My concern was that J was lied to in order to gain access to my child as a pawn in her game. She fully knew what she was doing.
My concern was the number of people who knew I would not be ok with it and kept quiet. I would not think it was anyone’s place to stop it at the time, especially given that J____y did not know the situation but I do think my friends should have made me aware it happened.
I still do not see a reason to apologize for asking my friends to alert me should she try and gain access to my child. Sorry.
Given that I was rarely in town or attending any social events from 2020-until I got a dog, I do not see why this would prevent you from attending events? I certainly do not speak ill of you to mutual friends and I do not understand how cutting ties with me would lead to loss of other friends? I do not operate like that and people are welcome to be friends with whomever they’d like. I think we’re all a lot more mature than that and it seems like overkill to “cut anyone attached” unless you have issue with the individual themselves. In which case, I really recommend communicating it with them directly. I think it’s fair to say most people just assume you’re a bit of a homebody, not that you don’t attend events out of dislike for me and anyone associated.
I’m not sure what the term is for assuming someone’s reaction. It’s similar to Amy’s email saying “I know you’ll just say you’re doing you” (a term I never use) would it be a logical fallacy? Straw-man argument? Cluster B deflection and assumption? Again, this is your speciality. I do know it’s in poor communication to say “I did this because I know your response would be” when it’s factually inaccurate. I believe in communication and do not ignore people or brush things off. I would have happily held conversation around your concerns with my communication on the incident with H and given context as needed. I’ve held similar conversations with many people over the years and I’m always happy to discuss and resolve miscommunications or misunderstandings. Sometimes I just have to apologize as I did recently when a friend respectfully brought up their displeasure with my dismissive attitude towards religion. That’s an incident where I can easily say “yes, I have a bad attitude towards religion, this is why, however I appreciate you communicating how you feel and I will do better to support you in your choices going forward”
Seems easy on paper, but I get that open communication is a tough path to master, especially as children of the 70s and 80s. Watching how children are now being taught to not fear vulnerability and speaking to feelings has taught me a lot. It’s quite the epiphany when you realize how much it can solve.
Everyone is different. Everyone handles crisis, loss, and changes in the way they know how. The beauty is found in empathy and understanding of the differences. Amy and I are very different in the way we handle things and our expectations of others. I would have been happy to hold compassionate and understanding conversation with her in regard to her tallying of why I wasn’t there for her enough. I would have made efforts to see her perspective more. However at the time I was struggling immensely just getting by day to day and did not have the capacity to guess or mind read her needs. Had she of just shared them with me instead of calling me a victim toxic gaslighting abuser to thousands of people PRIOR to communicating directly, this story would not be written.
Again, I’m not concerned around how anything I write here looks. I have always written through my feelings and thoughts. This was not a space shared by anyone I know in real life until Amy deep stalked enough to find it and then send it to people. For the most part the people she sends it to are the only people here reading it. She’s creating her own circus and her own look. I would agree, if this was on FB, Ig or even if I sent it to anyone, it would be a bad look. If you decided to come to my writing space to cast judgment, that’s on you, not me.
It’s honestly alarming to me that you think I have spoke badly of you to mutual friends. I can assure you I have not. My only critique of you is ghosting my attempts to communicate, but I have not shared that with others. If you have a list of these individuals you feel you can no longer be friends with because of me, I’m happy to facilitate conversation or set the record straight as I do not wish for anyone to end friendships on my behalf. Let me know how I can help.
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