A breast cancer murder plot.
I was recently reminded of myself in 2021. THAT version of me. In my friend Becky’s cancer book she’ll write about the negative woman she met at the wine bar in 2021 and how she hated her. Maybe she didn’t tell her until 2025 but by that time they were getting matching tattoos in Palm […]
Read MoreIt was around mid July. I had N in town staying with me. You might remember him from her first email. I started getting texts from multiple friends that she had sent an email to them. She had unfollowed or blocked everyone I see on a regular basis by this point. I had N check […]
Read MoreIt’s 2023 and Meta just pulled one on Elon Musk by setting up their own version of Twitter. Or X. Whatever. Being an Elon hater, I promptly set up my threads account and made a couple silly posts from my private account with like, 25 followers. I made some twitter jokes. A cage fight comment. […]
Read MoreHave I mentioned that I am a private person on Facebook and IG? I only post to friends and know everyone on my list. I am not remotely an influencer, however “Amy” is. She has a public persona as a food influencer and a large social media following that is public on multiple platforms. AKA, […]
Read MoreIt’s March 2021. We are now a year into the pandemic. All I am doing is traveling and trying to keep sane. I went to Mexico as soon as it opened. Again, with a mask. I sat in a casita on a mango farm with a friend, burning palm tree fronds, battling cockroaches and desperately […]
Read MoreI didn’t want to blaze through this at some rapid speed. Instead I wanted to take the time to really think about each post and then go back and edit later. However now that this is being broadcast, I feel compelled to hurry up and post the rest. Another friend had reached out with the […]
Read MoreIt’s been 5 or 6 years since anyone I’ve ever called a friend has read this blog. At first it was my way of sharing information with people during treatment but it later became where I’d write through things with abject vulnerability and I did not want it to be associated with me and wanted […]
Read MoreI’ve never really been into Twitter, although I dusted off an old account at the start of quarantine and made a few posts. I hadn’t logged into into it a long time by this point but a few weeks after the email exchange I found myself still in the house, in the house bored and […]
Read MoreFair enough. As they say all great things come to an end and I will mourn the loss of your friendship and role in the remainder my life while respecting your decisions. It was by this point I decided I was done. I felt I had made many efforts to sooth over her misgivings and […]
Read MoreI never mocked your memory loss or depression. Not in the least. I said, “As a friend, how can I feel safe with you, when you have made so many abusive statements and not have any accountability around any of them? How do I move past that?” (direct quote) That is not mocking you. That […]
Read MoreI think the word I used was antagonistic referring to childish statements like “oh I’d love to meet your black friends” and calling me an “abusive gaslighter” and mock concern over cancer memory loss and depression. Tallying moments of friendship over the years just seems odd and I can’t explain that one. I mean, of […]
Read MoreThe last emails reek of your white fragility. When BIPOC speak up about racism, white people people accuse them of being “aggressive” and having “an axe to grind”. Of course I’m mad, because now I am so clear on how deep your racism runs. There’s going to be a day, hopefully not too far into […]
Read MoreI certainly dont have a PhD in psychology but to my understanding with what I’ve processed with my therapist; gaslighting would be denial and rephrasing the circumstances to make you question if it was real or not. I don’t question if I said it, but I truly don’t remember saying it nor do I actually feel […]
Read MoreLet’s start with learning what gaslighting is and is not. I have actually dealt with a gaslighter exactly once. It’s typically part of a cluster B personality disorder. It is a targeted and long played manipulation of your sanity and it is very ugly. Here is a handy infographic. On Jul 15, 2020, at 8:56 […]
Read MoreMy apologies, I haven’t managed to check my real email in far too long. If I just don’t open my email I don’t need to reply to SCCA because it doesn’t exist right? To the tune of 1500+ emails and I’m glad I caught this before multiple more weeks went by! Now I know what Rian was […]
Read MoreI’d like to start by saying she gave me full permission to share her emails. This will be mentioned in the further conversations. This is copy and pasted with zero edits aside from names of others. On Fri, Jul 10, 2020 at 12:29 PM Amelia wrote: To be honest I’m not sure where to begin, […]
Read MoreOver the rest of June my neighborhood would show its guts and its glory. The CHOP was formed. It started out so beautiful and educational. Perhaps you’re wondering what Amy was doing during this time? She lived in Flatbush Brooklyn and I’d seen the news about NYC. It was not as spicy as Seattle, as […]
Read MoreWhen I found this I was pretty sure it was directed at me, as I was the main subject of her twitter feed at this time. However, it took a long time to figure out what she meant. Sure, I am white-ish in the sense I’m a dark olive mix of Spanish, poor Irish Catholic, […]
Read MoreIt was the night the city imploded and Amelia took to twitter to armchair activist my reaction. It was the night the George Floyd riots kicked off in force. Cars were lit on fire. All of downtown was looted and lit ablaze. Sure, big business has insurance, but then the crowd moved to the ID. […]
Read MoreIt’s early Covid. I was frantically trying to learn my new job, homeschool a first grader and lastly, learning to be alone as I finally faced the mental and emotional impact of cancer survival. I could no longer keep busy with the gym and a social life. I couldn’t date. My reconstruction surgery in March […]
Read MoreI met part of my team at work for the first time ever today. We all round-tabled our quarantine experience. I don’t honestly even know where to unpack that aside from “well, I live on Capitol Hill, so you know..” ((helicopter nosies)) I wish I could write it. Not just write it but actually WRITE […]
Read MoreA whole year. A whole year in complete suspension. A year riddled with every level of anxiety imaginable. We covered the city with plywood. We covered the plywood with art. We made joyful noise at 8pm. We felt like part of something. I cried over SAAS acronyms. We ordered take out to support our local […]
Read MoreIt’s a struggle to talk about this – in 2020 it’s a struggle to talk about feeling struggled because the actual police may be en route to being defunded but the woke police are busy issuing tickets and assaulting people for minor infractions. It’s been a very long 3 months. I’ve felt like I’m under […]
Read MoreI sit outside now. Under attack in hidden courtyards tucked behind fire escapes. This is my social life. On the weekends I’m under the trees of the cascades, blanketed by stars, hope and dirty nails. On the weekdays I’m bound to the kitchen and grounded in stress while deciphering saas acronyms and wearing my old […]
Read MoreI keep encountering different scenes when I leave my building. First there were fires but then the books arrived. Left open on my stoop. The dog eared pages immediately reveling themselves. The words speaking to writing, reflections and self awareness. Clearly a sign. This morning it was a half consumed watermelon and white wine bottles […]
Read MoreIt was the first time I’d seen my daughter in a while. Another good ol fashion Seattle grey and dark. Chance of shitshow, extra stormy. I was sun kissed after a week in Mexico. Feeling pretty damn good despite the memories this time of year that kept bubbling into my conscious. Things that still shape […]
Read MoreI don’t mean to cause alarm in any of my postings. I’m ok. Just as I always am. It’s like the amazon reviews right? Only dissatisfied customers bother to type out their grievances. If you’re happy with the purchase you carry on. Keep calm and order on prime. Those of us involved in a creative […]
Read MoreThere is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Read MoreIt’s strange how I can never predict myself tomorrow. Remember how cable news used to talk about the city when you were a kid? “good block, bad block?” Now in 2020 it’s like a 7 blocks of good blocks, but the subway doors don’t open properly and you’re now one stop away from remembering how […]
Read MoreI originally wrote this a few months ago and then decided it was too negative. If there is one thing I hope to change about myself going forward its the second guessing of myself. Yeah, it sounds negative but that what the whole post is about. Sit with it. I’m seeing it again in quarantine. […]
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Death to Uncle Joey 